Facebook, oh Facebook, what is your lure?
I'm trying to ignore you, your intentions ain't pure
You're the key to the gossip; photos galore
See that one from school? She's bigger than before
And LOOK what she wore on her wedding day
See her children, watch how they play
And where they went on their last holiday -
Wow, someone's doing well!
Her DH ain't my cup of tea
Too rough and ready, what could he be?
I'll click on his profile, damn, I can't
Hang on, here's a post from my maiden aunt
Facebook, I'm trying to get things done,
At the start I swore I'd never succumb,
My friends how they raved, the fun they all had,
Sharing their pics, how deadly, how rad,
Hen parties, weekends, trips away
They flashed them all, to remember the day
Get one here, me holding this drink!
Don't share the one of me over the sink!
Then it was babies, their red little faces
Swaddled in blankets, bleary mom faces
Now toddlers are walking, they're having Number Two,
It's "Look what she dressed as!" " He's using the loo"
Facebook, I'm not looking, I've opened a new tab
I don't press your "X" though, might miss something fab
Someone mentioned me? What did she say?
Oh, just in passing, nothing major to say
So many conversations, don't leave me out!
I want to know what you're all talking about
I was always the "outsider" never part of the fray
Seems they like me now, they WILL let me play
Event invitations, they wanted ME?
I deffo will make it, accept with glee.
News feed; a new dog, an ad for your show
He's shaved it all off, she's now called Mo
Facebook, Oh Facebook, you're blue and you're white,
You follow me by day and you haunt me by night
Without a smartphone I'm missing it bad
By the time I'm online the fun's all been had
Phoning is gone, even texting is going
It's all about messaging, that's how it's flowing
It's the new playground for grown-ups; popularity contest,
Who's got the most friends, whose wedding was best
Your profile pic better say it all,
Need to show you're having a ball
Carefully select the photos you share
They'll be commented on and you WILL care
Every birthday, every date
Is shared on here at an alarming rate
We're living our lives in front of the lens
Getting self-conscious, where will it end?
Will our children say in years to come
"Why did you post that one of my bum?"
Facebook, Oh Facebook, you "help me connect"
Without your aid my life is wrecked.
Facebook, Oh Facebook, I'm logging out, gone.
I'll be free of you now (but not for long)