Tonight I stayed with you longer than usual. For once.
For once I left my breast in your mouth, you sucking on in your sleep.
I didn't hurry off to go somewhere, to catch up on something, I just stayed.
I realised it's been months, many many months since I've done this.
Usually "he's asleep" and I'm off.
Your sucking lips usually empty.
Tonight they were full.
You drank and drank of me, until you stopped, sated.
Then I stayed there, looking. Just looking.
Your brow, wider. Your cheeks still as red.
Your hair, longer. Your nose still as snub.
Your baby face merging with your child face.
And it brought to mind the vision I had the night you were born,
Where your newborn features morphed behind my closed eyes to you as a schoolboy, a teen, a young man with blonde moustache. Strange and wonderful, I was awake, willing it on, willing it to never end, this vision of you in the future, when all I had at the time was a tiny red newborn. And I saw you then, as you are now.
Beautiful, fair, open, honest.
Loving straight from the heart.
When you turn to me in the dark tonight, I won't deny you what you want. I won't clamp my arm over my breast and pretend I'm sore or too tired, or tell you you've had enough.
You know when you've had enough.
My job is to give you my milk, until you don't want it any more.
That's what I've signed up for, that's my heart's promise to you.
So when my brain tells me you're too old, I'll listen to my heart.
I know you need my milk now, as much as you did one, two, three, four years ago.
You trust me, so I'll trust you.
I love you xxx