I've just been preparing a few blog posts for the next week or two, blathering on about makeup, clutter, food etc. But they aren't indicative of what's going on in my head, or heart, so I wanted to do a "keeping it real" to touch base with you all.
Most of my friends have one, two or three kids under the age of six. I meet them a few times a month, the kids play, we mamas drink tea and chat. It's lovely, it's great to share stories and experiences, laugh, and feel like I'm not the only one going through the madness of mothering.
But I have days and days to fill. Days when the tv does all my talking, where I hide in the kitchen and hope that kids shout won't turn into a scream, pulling me back into the fray. Days where getting us all up and out seems like too big a task, tomorrows plans too daunting, toast for every meal, no shower for me for two, three, four days.
They say it will get easier, that I'll wish for these days back, but I can't see an end in sight. My home won't be empty, my kids are home-schooled, I'll be the one they need for the next few years at least. It's completely overwhelming.
I'd get a cleaner, only in order to clean there's so much tidying to be done. I'd get up and out for walks if my toddler didn't hate the wind in his face so much. I'm really at a low point, summers over, heading into the darker days, yes with more friends than ever, but we're all just managing our own stuff.
I want a self-cleaning house, self-cooking food, and a holiday with my family. I want a car of my own, a steady income, a live-in friend and a bath.
Does anyone else feel like this?