Tuesday, 26 November 2013


You will either be rubbing your hands in glee at the title, or cringing.
It seems that the sexual revolution hasn't really taken hold across Ireland. At least not where women are concerned. There is still a huge double standard when it comes to masturbation among we Irish. We totally accept our males of all ages fiddling with their willies and balls, but girl fiddling is still taboo. Am I right?

Do you fiddle? Do you know how? Are you friends with your lady parts? Do you think you need a man to help out every time? Do you feel weird about "down there"? Do you know how to have an orgasm? Separately to having intercourse? Do you enjoy oral sex? Do you need a drink first? Is sex a part of your everyday life, either alone or with a partner? Have you found your g-spot? How high is your cervix today? Are you horny today? Is it coming up to your fertile time of the month? Has your sex life evolved in the last decade? Has it disappeared? What went wrong? How does that make you feel? What are you going to do about it? Can you be honest with your partner? Do you trust him/her?

I really feel that many Irish women are disconnected from their clitorises. Do we ever read or hear about the clitoris in the media? It's function is purely pleasure, is that why it's taboo? I think we all need to learn how to make ourselves come, to take responsibility for our orgasms ourselves, to make friends with our bodies. I think this empowerment would improve our mental and physical health, improving our birth and breastfeeding experiences too.

Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Do you enjoy bondage? Sharing fantasies? Role playing? Have you not got the time? Not got the inclination?  Do you know orgasms keep your womb exercised? Do you know that you can still have sex during your period? Do you know orgasms can improve pmt and labour "pains"? How old were you when you had your first orgasm? How did it happen? Have you had multiple orgasms?

Do you own a vibrator? Have you tried an electric toothbrush? Is all this making you uncomfortable? Do you discuss sex with your friends? Do you discuss masturbation? How have you approached it with your kids? Will you tell them or let them hear it from their peers? Why? Is it the school's job to sex ed your kids? Has your doctor touched more of your vulva than you?

Have you got some hang ups about your body since childhood? Since childbirth? Is sex uncomfortable? Can you live with that? Can you do anything about it? Is sex glorious, either alone or with a partner? Does it set you up for the day? Does it help you sleep at night? What words do you use for sex? For your genitals? For orgasms? For masturbation? Do the words feel comfortable coming out of your mouth? Can you use the word c*nt in any context? Does it have to have an asterisk? Is "pussy" too porno?

What about porn?

Will anyone dare comment on this post and answer any of my questions? !

Nee x


  1. Great post Niamh!

    Its scary how few professionals are familiar with their clitoris', vulva, vagina etc.........

    I know an american midwifery who insists her students are acutely aware of their own genitalia.

  2. Lol Niamh :) I feel ur so brave to even write this and I know that underlines your point! right?? :) im not brave enough to write much more but how could I leave a post like this comment les!!! U rock btw!!!!

  3. Love it. I'm not shy about these things in my own head but don't have many people I can comfortably talk about sex with other than my husband, sister and brother (but not all together :D)

  4. Bad at talking about it, but pretty okay at doing it, solo or accompanied. (Better solo, I have to confess.)

  5. Oooh, my favourite topic of conversation! I've never shied away from talking about sex - the good, the bad and the ugly. I do think the fact that I spent most of my formative years in Canada makes the difference. I think if I'd stayed in Ireland throughout my childhood and teens I probably would have found it difficult to talk about it. When I first moved back here I was suprised how taken aback and awkward my friends were when I brought up the topic and talked so openly about it. The thing is, the more I talked the more they did too and now and now there's no holding back. Sometimes you just need someone to start the ball rolling! Female masturbation is still a bit taboo even with my close friends though. I'm probably the only one who admits happily to it. I'm actually really proud of my self-orgasmic-self!! I was in my mid-20s before I had my first orgasm and I did it on my own after a lot of determined practice as it wasn't happening with anyone else!
    As for another of your questions, I tried 50 Shades of Grey but lost interest quickly as I didn't like how it was written (I'm a book snob). I've recommended Nancy Friday to you before, did you ever try her books?

    Sorry for never knowing how to make a brief comment. I have tried, but always fail! With best wishes from a happy fiddler ;)x

  6. PS, Niamh I'd love you to read this article written by a guy I went to school with in Canada, and who also has two little boys. I love that he is a pastor and talks about the joy of sex so openly. http://www.bigdaddykreativ.ca/the-talk/. You might not be able to put this comment up with the link but I hope you will have a look. x


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