Sunday, 6 November 2016

Winter


Hi lovely readers,
I hope you are enjoying the colder season. It's only about 2 weeks since winter really hit Ireland, before that we were still able to leave our jackets at home. I've bought my annual tin of mixed spice (pumpkin spice to my US readers) and am adding it to all the home-bakes I make. It was especially good in the fruit compote I slow cooked yesterday: apples, bananas and spices with a knob of butter. No sugar needed as the slow-cooking brings out all the sweetness of the fruits.

So it's the season of warm food, warm socks, getting snuggly on the sofa with a movie. We watched Home Alone last night with a take away and my dh and I realised we are now totally identifying with the parents in that movie, not at all with poor Kevin. A sobering realisation indeed.

I'm parenting alone these days as dh is in work 6 day weeks all November. It's hard going staying sane, and trying to get anything productive done at the same time. Our little girl is 16 months old now, and in the destructive phase. Things get pulled apart, dropped on the floor and walked away from, all day long. The house is a constant mess, I am literally walking on eggshells in the kitchen, and trying to remind myself this phase will be over someday and I may miss it. Though I have a feeling that concept was dreamt up to stop mothers complaining and keep us in the guilt cycle...

We've decided she will be our last baby, and I'm really happy about that. This period of my life has been so intense, I've given it my all and enjoyed almost every minute of it, but I'm catching glimpses of the freedom I will have in the future and I'm eager to get into all the creative projects I want to, but can't at the moment. Three kids is plenty when you're home schooling, and I know I wouldn't have the energy to go through this crazy baby phase a fourth time. I am eager to get on with my own life too.

I'm still fielding questions as I sit on the toilet, getting no physical space at all, if one kid gets off my lap another one jumps on, and I've very little mental space to think and dream. I really miss daydreaming. Sometimes I'll realise I was just daydreaming as I am interrupted. The luxury of being able to think and spiral into thoughts is just that, a rare luxury. Being brought back to earth with a bump with "MamAAAA, he hit me!".

And work... Wow, I feel like I won the lottery. My work is everything I dreamed and more. I love that I created this job and it's totally the one I want. But snatching time to work during the busy lone-parenting days is nigh impossible. I've resorted to spending the one day dh has free in the week, alone with my laptop, trying to get as much done as possible for the coming week. I'm getting the hang of it. I used to work in the evenings, but I'm so tired everything takes twice as long. Or I go hang out at my parent's house where the kids play and we get fed and I can sit behind my laptop in relative peace. I got 4 hours solid work done like that last week and it was like 4 days, it was so productive.

So I'm a working mom again, a work-from-home mom too. I have no guilt about that. I am embracing it all with glee, as it's so good for my spirits. I feel challenged and enthusiastic about my work, and I've had amazing feedback from my clients, so I know I'm on the right path. I hope my kids will see this joy and grow up knowing that work doesn't have to be drudgery, it can be like playtime for adults too, if you get the right fit. My next URBANMAMA workshop for moms which is all about self-care is on Sunday 13th Nov in Dublin 8. This one is about the connection with what you eat and how you feel, and includes a food demo and confidence-building techniques about setting healthy boundaries for yourself,  here is the link. You get recipes and worksheets to bring home too.

I've really missed writing and I hope to do more with this blog in the coming weeks. I'm working on an ebook and also have started bullet journalling (love it!) so they are taking some time, but I miss blogging and the stream-of consciousness that goes with it. I can't handwrite as quick as I type so I rarely write my thoughts on paper any more, it gets frustrating.

What else... we had a lovely family week a couple of weeks ago, I took a week off work as did dh and we saw the sights of Dublin like tourists, ate out everyday and generally had a ball together. I use the sling all the time, we do have a buggy but there is no way I'd dream of using it at all to be honest, it's so bulky and hassle-y, and the baby needs to be near boobs at all times, so I'd probably end up wearing her in the sling and pushing the empty buggy. I just pack a nappy into my jacket pocket and away we go, I've two hands free to mind the older kids. It's so handy.

On the prolapse front, I had a bad week there a few weeks ago where I felt like I'd gone backwards in terms of healing. This happens every so often, I'm charting my symptoms and seeing a pattern. My period hasn't returned (it took 21 months both times before, so I'm expecting similar again) but I'm getting pmt once a month and cramps too. It's in sync with the moon cycle, and that's when I get the prolapse feelings too. I guess it's some kind of pelvic congestion or something, and have to research it more. That's what's holding up my prolapse ebook, I need to know exactly what's going on with me before I can finish the book, so it will be another month or so before I can publish it for you. I know there are readers out there waiting for it, so thank you for your patience and I promise it'll be worth it!

Ok, I have the house to myself so I'm going to get off the sofa, wash and dress and get some work done. I'm setting myself a challenge to do a certain amount in the time I have, then I know I can relax in the coming days and give my full attention to the kids. That's the theory anyway... unless I get a sudden hankering for another episode of Gilmore Girls and some of the Halloween stash of chocolate!

See you soon,
Nee x

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